Fourth Watch

Guys, it's been a hard week. I feel like y'all have heard of many hard weeks of mine lately, but y'all did not pay the deluxe weekly payment, so you do not get the sugar coating :)

So, Monday night we were planning on doing one last music Monday, Snoop and I. Well, Elder Throckmorton and McKinnon told us all these new rules for fb and we have to plan better so we were planning this live forever, and when we finally got around to filming it, it was so late and everyone was super frustrated and it was a wreck and all our rides were waiting around for us and we all went home and cried for a long time because it was also Snoop Dog's last night and she and I had to pack all night. Which was also fun, because I learned of her excessive hoarding skills. She has over 100 pens, plastic bags, rope, a headlamp (which she made me pack in her carry on incase the plane lights went out and they were crashing, which made me ask her, "how will you get your 50 lbs carry on out of the overhead compartment, while the plane is crashing to get your headlamp out!" And she just scoffed), enough sticky notes to cover our truck, 4 English BofM's which I confiscated, and random peices of paper she has collected. It was fun to go through it, she's like a tiny traveling hoarder. I'm gonna miss her a ton. 

☆☆☆☆☆

Tuesday was full of losses. First, the Elders made Snoop goodbye cinnamon rolls, which were great, and we jammed in the car on the way to the church, but then I had to say goodbye and she got in the van and we stared at each other through the window and I cried and she just frowned (not very emotional), and it was the most heartbreaking experience of my adult life. I feel like my child got taken from me, and it's been a hard adjustment with her gone. 

THEN, right after that, I had to take my new comp (Sister Dixon) to Enterprise and they took away my truck and gave us a small car with almost no road authority. 

Then, I got the program I have to complete before I go home, which is pretty much saying "hello, get trunky". What are they gonna do if I don't complete it? Send me home??? 

All we've done this week is call members! It's been cool to get to know the ward, and we've gotten a few meals out of it! One member we called is spent 37 minutes explaining a dream he had to us and then asked us to interpret it. It was sacrilegious so I won't explain it here. Another member told us she hasn't come to church in 3 years but wants daily scriptures so that's awesome! 

Jacob is doing well, he is going strong right now, but is struggling to find a job! Please pray for him! He also told us he doesn't want the priesthood because he doesn't want to be a missionary, and so once we explained that he felt a lot better! He is praying about when he should recieve the priesthood because he wants to be ready! 

We also have been trying to help with the zone facebook page! Yesterday this lady messaged me a long story about satan and asked me to interpret it, so obviously Facebook is going great. 

We got a referral this week for a guy named JD who is cool, his mom is being taught and referred him, and he is excited about the Book of Mormon! 

The elders also brought their friend Josh to our ward yesterday because he is YSA, and soon we will be able to teach him! 

We are really, really, really struggling to find people right now. Which is really weird, because everyone else in our zone is doing fine at it. 

Awkwardest Malena Moment of the century:

So, there is this member, Tiffany, who is a ward missionary and she was helping me and Snoop and the Elders with the Facebook page. After our meeting I told her thanks and that we will bring her brownies or something. Then i said "but don't worry, they won't be pot brownies because we are missionaries" and she joked "well if they aren't pot brownies I will be very disappointed." 

So, we decided to make her and her roommate brownies and doorbell ditch them with a note that said "these brownies may or may not contain pot! Love the sister missionaries!"

Soo, flash forward to this week, Tiffany takes us to dinner and I asked if she enjoyed the brownies and she said "I didn't get them." TURNS OUT SHE MOVED AND WE GAVE A RANDOM STRANGER BROWNIES AND SAID THEY MAY OR MAY NOT CONTAIN POT. So, wow that was so awkward. Idk who got them, but I hope they enjoyed them. 

We went on exchanges with Hermana Bronson and Skidmore this week and it was so fun! Hermana Skidmore is so cool and didn't even care that we had nothing to do all day! I tried to make it fun, but there is only so much you can do when it's pouring rain and you have no one to teach. hahah.

So, before she left Snoop gave me this really good talk, called 'Bread or Stones', from a BYU Hawaii devotional. I will include an excerpt here: 

And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea. (6:46-48) In John’s account of this particular story we read that the apostles had rowed the equivalent of about seventy-five football fields against the wind. There are times in our lives when we toil, rowing against the wind. We are trying to make progress and sometimes it seems that there are forces that are against us. There may be some great blessing that we deeply desire. There may be some trial that we want deeply to be over. And it doesn’t seem like we are making any headway against the wind. We wonder if the Lord is listening.
Now we need to understand something about our Father in Heaven, and that is that He is a fourth watch God.

... Sometimes that creates a bit of a problem for us, certainly for me. I worship a fourth watch God. One who tends to feel that it is good to let His children toil in rowing against the wind to face a little opposition. My problem is that I am a first watch person. Now there is something inside of me that understands that it is good for me to toil in rowing against the wind. But certainly by the second watch He would come. And when the second watch has passed and He still has not come. Sometimes I forget that as Mark says, He is watching. He watched them toiling and rowing.
...I began to make some assumptions that are often dangerous to make—maybe you make the same. We begin to assume that, number one, He is not there. That is why He’s not responding. And then we calm down and understand that He is there; He is always there. Then the second assumption is if He is there, He must not be listening. And then again, in calmer times—He always listens. Well then the third assumption is He must not care. No—He’s there, He listens, He cares. Maybe the most dangerous assumption, the fourth assumption is I must not be worthy. Now that fourth assumption we are probably correct on. But when has that ever stopped Him from responding; we are as worthy as we can be. We must assume that we have not yet reached the fourth watch; and He is a fourth watch God....

We worship a fourth watch God. So when the trials aren’t over and the blessings don’t come, don’t assume that He is not there, or He is not listening, or He doesn’t care, or you’re not worthy. Always assume you have not yet reached the fourth watch.

I really like this excerpt. We all go through hard things, and we all struggle to endure. This week was probably the hardest week of my mission, and as I've shared this thought with members I've had two thoughts

1. About those who leave in the 3rd watch. Those who feel like they've endured enough, they made it to the 4th watch and no one came, and stop trying. Those who feel like God wasn't listening and probably never will be. But God is always listening, he always cares, and he's always watching. He wants us to grow! If God came as soon as we called, what good would that do? What would we learn? So if you feel like giving up, keep going, keep enduring. It's not always great, but nothing is ever great without first being really hard.

2. We don't actually know how long the first 3 watches will be. I think about prayers I've had which I feel unheard, questions I've asked that aren't answered, and situations I've been in that have lasted WAY to long. Sometimes the first 3 watches last 2 years, 5 years, 30 minutes... but God will come. He made a covenant with us that he will. He always will come. So, if you feel like your first 3 watches have lasted too long, keep going. Enduring to the end makes us stronger. God is not a lazy God and God needs strong children.

I love you all! I hope you don't get super depressed reading my emails! All's good with God! I hope you have a great week! 

-Sista McKee